thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
