Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
did i just pee glitter
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