If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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