Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
