Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
