How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
