remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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