my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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