I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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