Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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