Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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