My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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