Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
