shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
