Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
