You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize