Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
