Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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