No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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