Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
