whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
