i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
