thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
