Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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