I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
