is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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