Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What a dumb baby whore.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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