3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
