bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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