i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
don't judge my taste in strippers
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
