i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
