He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
