I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
