is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
