I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
