just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I still have a little drunk in my system
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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