Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
