Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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