I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
