you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
