I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize