meet me or not, i'm out of control
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
