Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
