I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
