I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
