Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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