I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
