Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
