Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
