I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
