You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish life had little blips of pornography
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
