we're chasing vodka with high fives
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
