Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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