I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
