just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
