called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
