Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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