he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My vagina just recognized that song.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
