I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
