Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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