My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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