Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
