I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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