For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
