My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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