I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
