I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
