So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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