it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
